Cope Ahead (practice the hard moment before it happens)

Step 1 — Describe the situation (be specific)

Write 2–3 sentences:

• What is likely to happen?
• Where? When? With who?
• What are the facts (not judgments)?

Then name:

• What emotions are likely?
• What action urges might show up (avoid, lash out, freeze, shut down, people-please)?

Example:

"Friday dinner with my partner's friends. I usually feel anxious and ashamed. My urge is to avoid, stay quiet, or leave early."

Step 2 — Choose the skills you will use

Pick 1–3 skills you'll actually do in the moment.

Good options:

• STOP (pause before reacting)
• TIPP (if body alarm is high)
• Opposite Action (if fear/shame urges avoidance)
• Check the Facts
• DEAR MAN / GIVE / FAST (if there's a conversation)
• Self-soothe / ACCEPTS (if you need to get through it)
• Problem Solving (if action is needed)

Write them as a short plan:

If X happens → I will do Y.

Example:

"If I start spiraling, I'll STOP, do 3 breaths, and use Opposite Action by staying present and asking one question."

Step 3 — Imagine the situation like you're in it

Close your eyes (or soften your gaze) and picture it vividly:

• what you see / hear
• what your body feels
• the exact moment you usually get triggered

Important: imagine it from inside your body, not like you're watching a movie.

Step 4 — Rehearse coping effectively (all the way through)

Now mentally practice the skill plan:

• What you do
• What you say
• Your tone
• Your posture
• What you tell yourself when it gets hard

Then rehearse: "What if it gets worse?"

• Practice coping with new problems that come up
• Practice coping with your most feared catastrophe
• Practice staying effective anyway

Example:

"If I sweat or feel awkward, I'll keep listening, ask a follow-up question, and remind myself: 'This is anxiety, not danger. I can ride the wave.'"

Step 5 — End with relaxation

After rehearsing, do 1–2 minutes of:

• slow breathing
• unclenching jaw/shoulders
• willing hands + half-smile
• brief stretch

This teaches your nervous system: "I can face this and come back down."

Example (interview / appointment)