Self-Soothe

Distress Tolerance skills are DBT tools for getting through intense moments without making things worse—especially when you can't change the situation right now.

Self-Soothe is a classic DBT distress tolerance skill: you intentionally use pleasant, comforting sensations (sight, sound, smell, taste, touch) to help your body settle.

What is this for?

Use Self-Soothe when:

  • emotions feel overwhelming
  • you feel like you "can't stand this"
  • you're about to do something impulsive to escape the feeling
  • you need comfort first, problem-solving later

Step-by-step: Self-Soothe in the moment

Step 0 — Safety + consent (10 seconds)

Ask: "Is it safe to do a comfort skill right now?"

  • If you're in immediate danger, focus on safety and support first.
  • If you're safe enough, continue.

Step 1 — Name the moment (10 seconds)

Say (out loud or in your head):

  • "This is a distress moment."
  • "I'm going to comfort my body so I don't make it worse."

Step 2 — Rate your distress (0–10)

Distress right now: __/10

(You'll re-rate after.)

Step 3 — Choose ONE sense (keep it simple)

Pick the easiest entry point for your brain today:

Vision / Hearing / Smell / Taste / Touch

Neurodivergent-friendly rule:

Choose soothing, not "too much."

If you're sensory sensitive, go smaller: low light, low volume, gentle texture, mild scent—or skip smell entirely. (Self-soothing should not overwhelm you.)

Step 4 — Do the soothing mindfully (30–120 seconds)

While you do it, practice DBT mindfulness: notice and describe the sensation without judging.

Try this mini-script:

  • "I notice… (warmth / softness / quiet / sweetness)."
  • "My body is getting a small break."

Step 5 — Re-rate (0–10)

Distress now: __/10

If it dropped even 1 point, that counts.

Step 6 — Decide the next step

  • If distress is still high: choose a second sense, or repeat the same one.
  • If you're steadier: move to your next skill (problem solving, DEAR MAN, emotion exposure, etc.).

Self-Soothe ideas by sense (pick 1–2)

Vision (Sight)

Try:

  • look at nature (even out a window)
  • watch a candle flame
  • look at art, photos, or a "pretty corner" of a room
  • watch snowfall/rain/video of scenery

ND options:

  • dim lights
  • slow, low-motion visuals
  • avoid bright/flashy screens

Hearing (Sound)

Try:

  • calming music
  • nature sounds (ocean, rain, birds)
  • sit and listen to one "neutral" sound (fan hum, distant traffic)

ND options:

  • noise-canceling headphones
  • one familiar track on repeat
  • lower volume than you think you need

Smell (Scent) — optional

Try:

  • scented candle/incense (if safe for you)
  • smell tea/coffee/herbs
  • step outside after rain / smell fresh air

ND options:

  • if scents trigger headaches or nausea, skip this sense
  • use "neutral smells" (clean cloth, unscented lotion)

Taste

Try:

  • a warm drink (tea, cocoa)
  • a small treat eaten slowly
  • a mint/gum and notice the flavor change

ND options:

  • pick safe textures/flavors
  • tiny amount is enough (this is sensory comfort, not a meal)

Touch

Try:

  • warm shower or bath
  • wrap in a soft blanket
  • pet an animal (if available)
  • hold something comforting (smooth stone, plush, warm mug)

ND options:

  • weighted blanket (if you like pressure)
  • "deep pressure" (hug a pillow, press feet into floor)
  • avoid scratchy fabrics / irritating tags

Common obstacles (and what to do)

"I don't deserve comfort."

This is common. DBT frames self-soothing as basic human care—not a reward you have to earn. Start small and treat it like practice.

Try:

  • "I can be in pain and be kind to myself."
  • "Comfort helps me act effectively."

"I need someone else to soothe me."

Wanting support is real. But Self-Soothe is about building an option you can do anytime, even when no one is available.

"Nothing works."

Try reducing intensity:

  • smaller dose (30 seconds)
  • fewer senses (one only)
  • more neutral (not "pleasant," just "not painful")

Practice (so it's there when you need it)

DBT recommends practicing skills when you're not in crisis so they're easier when distress hits.

This week's tiny practice

Pick one sense and do it for 1 minute once a day.

Then write:

  • "Before: __/10"
  • "After: __/10"

Optional: make a "Self-Soothe Kit"

A small bag/box with 1 item for each sense can make this skill much easier in the moment.

Try the Worksheet (pdf)Interactive Worksheet (pdf)